Burning out on After School Programs

When I was a child I was, well, not the best student. I excelled in two areas, socializing and the performing arts. I was signed up for music, dance and drama classes at least 3-4 days a week. My folks had seen the original movie "Fame" and even after Coco was lured into a pornographer's den, Leroy impregnated his fellow dance classmate and Doris Fensucker got high at the Rocky Horror Picture Show, somehow this did not dissuade my parents from preparing me to go to the "Fame" school. In fact, it encouraged them and it was their priority to prepare me from the time I was eight, to attend Music and Art High School, the school that the movie was based on.

While after school programs provided me with much needed self esteem and gave me great pleasure they also probably contributed to the fact that I almost never completed my homework and that I was always disorganized when it came to school. My parents knew that academics eluded me and they just encouraged what I was good at. Nowadays the world of education has changed. School is more academic then ever, tests mean much more than they should and the competition to get into specialized schools and programs is fierce.

The question of the week comes from Marilyn, "How do I enrich my child's education without overdoing it?"

While we would all love our children to participate in something we, ourselves care about or never had the opportunity to engage in as a child, there is a fine line between pushing and gently exposing. Some children seem naturally connected to one activity while others just don't know what they like. Create opportunities for your child to be involved and exposed to an array of activities. Taking your kids to sporting events, shows, museums, etc. can open up interests and even if they do not wish to pursue these activities in an after school class they can develop an appreciation for them.

Choosing activities can come from your child or from you. It should be a discussion and children's maturity, temperament and the type of facility and instructor (if known) should be considered. Some children can handle more than one activity a week and others can just handle one. Some children might be more suited to no programs after school but would prefer to take a class on a weekend. Be honest with who your child is right now and find activities and class time that will create the most optimal success for your child.

Can they Handle It?

I was recently quoted in an online article in which I answered a similar question. Read my answer below:

Educational consultant and former teacher Sara Lise Raff, a mom of three, says that the demands of school and how the activity is impacting the child's life should be factors in choosing activities. "Children may feel tired but should not be exhausted after participating in an activity. A child is doing too much if they are unable to eat dinner, finish their homework or required studies on a regular basis, or if they are extraordinarily angry or have tantrums or just want to go to sleep after they come home from doing an after school activity," says Sara.

When it is not working out

After school activities can teach many valuable lessons. Not only do children come out with new skills that stimulate learning and thinking but they engage in a commitment that is of their own choice and requires them to stay focused after school hours. When choosing a new activity for your child to participate in, a discussion should be had about how long the class will be (use a clock), how many weeks it will run (use a calendar) and the importance of fulfilling the obligation.

There is a difference between a class that does not work for your child and your child just being plain fickle. When your child wants to "hang out" on a beautiful day instead of going to class, remind them that they wanted this and they need to follow through. Also watch and see if your child seems to complain going into class and walks out happy. I used to know this feeling when I actually had a gym membership. In the case that your child is truly unhappy make sure you talk with the instructor and share your child's feelings with them. Parents must evaluate the importance of allowing their child to feel and cope with a reasonable amount of discomfort and really having their child be taken out of a program that their child just can't handle. In other words, help your child find coping skills before being rash and letting them just quit.

I also feel that after school programs should be discussed and continually evaluated for effectiveness by you and your child. Particularly if you sign up for a next semester you should ask questions like :

-Are you still enjoying yourself?

-Are you learning new techniques?

-Do you get directions from the instructor?

All after school instructors should let you know their contact information so you can stay in touch and answer questions about your child's progress.

As for the over-scheduling discussion. Use common sense. Read your child's behavior and make sure it is about them and not yourself.