Dealing with Test Stress

So, we are back from vacation and the week has started much the same as every week in this house since Christmas break; one of the kids has a fever and one seems like he is on his way to getting sick, yet again. And it seems like after talking with parent friends this week and seeing many facebook updates lots of you folks are tired of winter and frankly are just having the blues.

Well, here is some sunshine ...I have been made an ambassador for the show The View! Every week for the next 3 weeks I will give a preview of the shows' daily guests, surprise updates and even respond to some discussions that take place on the show! Today on the The View, Thursday, February 26th an entire hour show based around the topic "Trying to have a baby?" I had a very easy time conceiving my first child but had a tough time conceiving my second. It seems to happen to a lot of couples. Whether you are trying for your first or your 5th, they will provide lots of helpful information, so tune in!

On to the question of the week: "My child is in third grade and she is already stressed for the State Tests that take place in April. What techniques can I use to help her deal with her stress?"

Aaaaah, State Tests. It's not that I don't believe in testing or even that I think the tests are completely unfair but the emphasis put on these tests and the fact that in many cases it is the only determination in a child's higher education, has truly turned them into the evil beast of education and has destroyed the joy of learning. Obama says "change" is on the way regarding the assessment of children, so lets keep our fingers crossed.

Until change comes, I think that it is great that you are looking to find ways to help your daughter with her stress. Stress can be brought on by many reasons and it is important that we teach our children coping mechanisms to get them through the tough times, whether it is for tests or for other reasons.

I have found that what works for one student may not work for another so it is important for parents to try different coping skills , especially as children grow and the tests become more frequent and more difficult.

First and foremost is to make sure your child is prepared. If they struggle in a certain subject make sure you discuss with the teacher how they have been doing on assessments in class and if they feel there is a need for extra help. A child will always feel less nervous if they feel prepared. If need be, splurge on a tutor with good references.

Practice breathing techniques (yoga breathing is great!) This is important throughout the test taking experience. Children often break down in the middle of tests because they feel overwhelmed. Constant and systematic breathing can keep a child's stamina up and help keep them calm and focused.

Keep a chart or list that describes what they know and how they are prepared for the test. For example for a literacy test a child might write - "I know what character traits are", "I know what a plot is", "I know what details are", etc.

On most tests I recommend that children look at the questions first. This way they know exactly what they should be looking for in the passages that they read. In math, students should always scan the answers first.

Children should have a plan for when they are confused during an exam or don't know an answer . Take a deep breath, close their eyes, count to ten, raise their hand for help, wait for the proctor to come over, guess if they really do not know an answer, etc.

Parents need to encourage their kids to do their best and not make threatening remarks in the case that they do not do well. One student I know, began to cry during her exam because her mother told her if she did not "do well" there would be no space for her in a top middle school and they would have to move.

Some other stress reliever tips when studying or preparing for exam:

Taking a break to blow bubbles

Chew gum

Kneading Play-Doh or putty

Getting involved in a yoga, Tai chi or any martial arts on a regular basis

“I am a participant in a Mom Central campaign for ABC Daytime and will receive a tote bag or other The View branded items to facilitate my review.”

A Most Meaningful Meeting

I can't believe it is November already!

Please come join me this weekend at apple seeds and ask me your questions face to face!

Saturday, November 7th

10:30AM-12:00PM

10 West 25th Street

NY, NY 10010

On to the question of the week:

How do I maximize my time with my child's teacher during parent teacher conferences?

When I was a classroom teacher I remember how rushed I felt meeting parent after parent. Conferences usually end up being less than 10 minutes and the time truly can get away from you if you are not prepared. Here are some varied ideas and questions that might guide your conference to make it more meaningful. You need to have a bit of an understanding of what your child's strengths and weaknesses look like before the conference in order to choose questions and topics to explore with the teacher.

Creating a Mood

Every good teacher should begin with one compliment about your child before discussing any issues that might need to be worked on. When discussing any issues, teachers should be sensitive and parents need to listen. Conferences should end on a high note with solutions or even discussing a project or piece of work your child did particularly well. I instruct all of my education students to run their conferences this way. If you feel a conference is being handled poorly make sure you take notes and make it clear to the teacher that you are frustrated. If you run out of time be sure to make a follow up meeting. Contact administrators as a last resort.

Know Your Child

If you have not been already, make sure you are looking over your children's work (writing, test grades, worksheets, etc.) weeks before the conference. Even with little contact from the teacher, not all aspects of your child's work should be a complete surprise. Begin to write down questions. Do you notice your child's handwriting seems a bit sloppy? Or that you are not clear on some of the new techniques in the math homework? Is the reading a bit choppy or robotic sounding when your children read to you? Or do they throw tantrums at the thought of doing their homework? Narrow your questions to the two or three that are really important to you. This can also help to navigate the conference.

Discuss your childs reading level

Are they on grade level?

What techniques are being used to get your child to the next level?

Do they have recommended books or book series that might fit your child's needs at this time?

How often are children assessed?

What can you be doing at home to support your child?

See Writing Samples

What is your child writing about?

What techniques are being used to evoke language?

How often is writing done?

How do you critique?

Discuss Math

Discuss mathematical goals for year.

Ask your child's teacher to walk you through any unfamiliar or new mathematical techniques that the class may be covering at the time.

What concepts are currently being worked on?

Does your child make careless errors or do they see a much bigger problem?

Any products that might help you to continue the learning at home.

Other topics

Science, Social Studies, Technology, etc. How are these topics being taught in class? These areas often get neglected with the focus being on the Three R's. Don't be afraid to offer any professional help if you work in these fields. Consider sponsoring a trip as well.

Special help - Know your rights as a parent. Your child should not be tested or receive any extra help (being pulled out or otherwise) without you being notified first and your written consent sought. Contact administration and/or your local district if you do not get a reasonable explanation if this has happened to your child.

Social/Behavior

What is your child really doing well at?

Are they an active participant in class?

What techniques do they use?

Do they seem to interact well with their peers?

Do they transition well?

Can they recommend any special programs that might suit your chid?

End the conference by discussing next steps and what are the best ways to stay in touch with the teacher until the next conference.

Don't forget to visit the special teachers (art, dance, music, etc) they may tell you something about your child that you or even the classroom teacher don't know.

Remember: Don't worry about what other children are doing. Focus in on who your child is and how you can support and foster in them a love of learning.

Report cards, What do they mean?

Throughout my school career I remember report card day as a day my stomach was tied into knots. I always had conjured up a reason as to why I did not do well; the teacher was lying, they had me confused with someone else or there was the rare case when I even doctored my grades. I know, quite sad. Who knew that I would grow up to be someone who dedicates her life to education. As a parent, I am thrilled that my oldest child is doing so well in school. I almost feel bad for my parents who never got the wonderful feeling of receiving a good report card in the early years. As for parents that have a child much like I was, take heart, there are lots of ways to help. For one - keep reading this blog!

So what do these report card grades mean? In New York City public schools the grades are based on how well your child is achieving the standards. Children are evaluated on numerical indicators:

4 - Exceeds grade-level standards

3 - Meets grade level standards

2 - Approaches standards

1 - Far below standards

One of my fellow parents said to me today "A 4 is perfect, right?" It is very important not to think of these standards as absolutes. Learning is ongoing, and at times, a subjective process. Posing to our children that a grade of "4" means perfection and a grade "1" means hopelessness sends children a message that the grades are actually who they are and in some cases all they can ever be. The numbers show a snapshot of where a child is now, not forever. We must continue to work hard no matter the starting point. There should always be room for improvement for the top student or at least lots of encouragement and discussion about continuing good habits. Ask your child "why do they think they did well?", "What work habits are working for them?" For the child that is having some difficulty, start by empathizing with your child even if you feel frustrated or disappointed. Ask them about why they don't think they don't understand or what is hard for them. It is important to discuss that we can't be good at everything. Some things we just have to work harder for. Talk with their teacher about a plan to move your child in the right the direction. Ask about extra help and what you can do at home without turning you into a nudge. Consider sticker charts for motivation (example, 1 sticker for every book finished or math homework done correctly) keep it simple and lots of genuine, specific praise for effort. In the end, most children find their way. Just look at your facebook friends and remember what many of them used to be like!