Let Go of My Leg, Please...

My pre schooler seems to love school but only after I get him in the class. At drop off he cries and makes it really difficult to say goodbye.

Many times children seem to love the idea of social situations, whether it is going to school, seeing a friend or family member, attending a party or going to a special place like Disney World. But when you get to your destination or meet up with the very people they were so excited to see your child becomes clingy and unsociable, crying and even throwing a tantrum; so what gives? Very often, children enjoy the idea or concept of that new or engaging experience. They might be happy about the thought of seeing their teacher or participating in a school ritual/activity but when they are faced with the overwhelming task of letting mom leave or dealing with the many personalities in the class it becomes too much. The concept of transitioning can be complicated for some children. Below are some ideas to help set up for transition to school as well as some other things to keep in mind:

Is your child getting enough sleep? Lack of sleep contributes to the “grump” factor a great deal.

Are they eating breakfast? Sometimes a mid-morning snack is too late for young children.

Are you leaving enough time in the mornings to get ready or are you rushing to school? Kids pick up on being rushed and may not process it as harmlessly as you do.

Are you showing up later then other parents to drop off? Coming in with another friend or group can be very helpful.

Do not belabor your "goodbyes". If your child senses the fact that you are uncomfortable, sad or also having a tough time leaving, they will use it. Conversely, sneaking away can also unnerve your child. Make your goodbye routine short and sweet: Kiss, hug, "I love you" and off you go. If your child tends to run after you ask the teacher for help. Discuss a plan.

Discuss with your child about their difficulty with drop off (during a relaxed time, i.e. during bath time). Try to form a plan with your child of what a smooth drop off should look like.

Teach your child to take a deep breath when they walk into a new situation. It is calming and sets up an important coping tool for your child to deal with stressful situations.

Finally, be sure your child is happy at the program. Ask the teacher and or director how they are doing during the day. You can also ask another parent who you like and trust to peek at your child if they pick up earlier or drop off later. If the problem persists or gets worse talk to your pediatrician, or trusted professional and make a decision if your child's needs require other professional help or if another program might be a better fit for the both of you.