Praise Yourself!

This week, I don't answer a question but write about an experience in my own home that reminded me of a practice I used when teaching.

When I was a student teacher one mentor said to me, "Do a self assessment each day. Review in your head what went well and what you would have done differently. Build a solution around the negative that you can implement tomorrow and make sure you praise yourself as you would your students for the positive." I never forgot those words and it helped me become a better teacher. It can help parents too! Read on!

So most of the sickness is out of our home from last week. While we slowly seem to get back into the swing of things there seem to be some minor bumps along the way. My oldest son wants to know "Why homework exists?" and states endlessly that "brushing his teeth" and "school" are the "worst things ever". My youngest son, who has always been super needy seems to have reached a new level of neediness and my daughter, who is on her way to losing her second pair of glasses, seems to be regressing (acting like a baby, wanting to be treated like a baby, etc.). For my boys, it seems that getting back into the swing of things is hard and the rigor of the daily schedule has to to be conquered step by step. For my daughter, perhaps it is because she detests her glasses and it is having an effect on her self esteem or it may be because most of the attention was lavished on the sick boys for the last two weeks. I'm sure it's a combination of things but no matter what, it's tough.

Well yesterday it all came to a head when she had a nice, juicy, long tantrum. I know with tantrums you can try to prevent them, diffuse them or have no choice but to go through them. Timing, place, age of child and intensity of the tantrum has a lot to do with the way in which you choose to handle it. In this case, I had no choice but to go for the painful ride. I decided I was going to keep my cool and use the strategies I know can work. I could tell she was tired as she whaled "but I want hot chocolate!" I kept telling myself, "I am going to keep my cool" along with the deep yoga-like breaths that I seem to recall working years ago. My sweet girl was practically spitting venom from her mouth, repeating that she wanted " hot chocolate" and throwing herself on me, the floor and everywhere. I stayed firm, kept my voice low and even continued to walk her back into her room over and over until she had calmed down. Did it take long time? Yes. Will I always stay this calm? No, but I have decided just as I compliment and thank my children when they demonstrate good behavior (It's a very meaningful thing to do) I will now congratulate myselffor handling tough situations well with my kids. We parents tend to beat ourselves up when we lose it or feel like we handled a situation poorly. We handle a great quantity of these episodes so well and never bother to praise ourselves or encourage our victories. So I hope you will join me in celebrating, or at least taking a moment to recognize (" I handled that well, go me!"), what we do with our children that works.

I will now take note of:

-The successful conversations I have with my children

-The times that I keep my cool

-The times I diffuse a tantrum

-Finding other solutions that keep both me and my kids happy

-The times when I try a new approach

-The times when I think on my feet

-The times when I stay firm and consistent

-When I create a successful experience

-When I create/recognize and discuss a teachable moment

-Prepare anything in a timely manner

I invite you to share a situation you handled well when dealing with your child.