Finally, A Reality Show that Taught a Really Valuable Lesson!

After watching the You tube video of Susan Boyle, a 47 year old British fuddy duddy that supposedly had "never been kissed" and drove the judges of "Britain's Got Talent" to tears (including Pierce) with her resounding singing, I was truly moved. Whether this was a set up by the show or actually a real scenario was not what intrigued me. The idea of this entire audience laughing and mocking this seemingly unattractive, middle-aged woman and within a matter of minutes completely gaining the audiences admiration and cheers, was fascinating! It made me think, how I, we, you and our children view others and how we act based on those views. I played the video for my six year old. I was curious what his reaction would be. We discussed the way Susan Boyle looked and the way she acted made the judges and the audience think she was going to fail. My son said "that's not very nice". Small children are sensitive when these moral situations are explained to them and often come up with an "empathetic" answer. The hard part is for children to retrieve this type of empathy when they are not with us. For me, there was an even bigger lesson to be learned here. It was not the fact that Ms. Boyle ended up having a lovely voice, but the revealing comments that the judges made about her after the performance " we were all against you", "We were laughing at you..." "...this is a wake up call..." . What cruel thoughts to have about someone and for what? Because they may not have talent? Because they are unattractive? Because they are old? Can you imagine what would have happened had Ms. Boyle played into the role in which they had set up for her? We have all witnessed or been the target of this type of cruel behavior, painful. Fortunately, we witnessed something we very rarely see, very mean "characters" on television admit that they had been wrong. As I thought about the video I realized that many of these issues were very familiar to me, particularly because I am an educator and a parent.

We can tell our children over and over to be nice, be kind, to not judge and we get angry when they do not listen. Although we have tons of sayings that represent the mantra "actions speak louder than words" we all too often still use only our words without action and therefore our point is not made. If we look at the behavior of other kids, other adults and the media, being mean to others and not apologizing is acceptable. Simon Cowell and the other "British invasion" judges on shows like American Idol, America's got Talent and Hell's Kitchen have made a fortune on being mean. It seems that being mean has now become a mainstream part of our culture.

So what do we do? The options can hardly be summed up in this blog posting alone ( I feel another series of posts coming on...) but here are a few ideas to chew on. We need to be in control of our parenting. We are a child's first teacher and statistics say that parents opinions and approval hold a lot of weight. Be loving but be firm. Children need guidance. Set parameters and stay clear about what children may and may not do. Talk to your children about mean behavior and it's consequences. Talk to your children about what they see and hear characters do on television, movies, video games. As well, when you witness your child acting mean or callus or being intolerant of another child or adult provide reasonable and timely consequences (one warning is enough!). Role play with small dolls for young children demonstrating the appropriate way to give an apology or deal with a disagreement , for older children share real or mock situations in which you had to give an apology, or reveal that you were incorrect when you made an assumption about another person. Finally, do what the judges on "Britain's got Talent" did. We must own up to our children when we have not been nice, whether it was to them, to our significant other or to the bus driver. Children will always remember when they receive from you or observe you making an apology, it is an action (remember speaks louder than words) and in the case of Susan Boyle, one that the reality shows or the world won't soon forget!

Cheers!

Sara Lise