"Mommy, I don't like my teacher!"

So, my homework problems still remain a week later.  I did not post pictures from my School Year's Eve event.   But, I will.  I promise.  At least I'll try.

School is back in full swing and questions from parents are rolling on in!

This week's question is from Jackie:

"I am not happy with my daughter's teacher this year.  My daughter seems okay but is not ecstatic either.  Should I try to have her class switched?"

It would be nice if that every year our children could have a super teacher that completely meshed with both our child's needs as well as our own.  Alas, no matter what school, what state, what type of child or how calm the parent, there always will be the possibility that your child will end up with a teacher that does not fit your child's style or your own.  It is a basic fact of life.  While it can be hard to deal with a bad fit, there are some important strategies you can use to get through the year:

Look at the root of the problem:

Are you comparing this teacher to that super kindergarten teacher your child had last year? Are you listening to former parents of this teacher and letting them shape your ideas about what this teacher is all about?   School is still fresh and some teachers feel they need to be really strict the first month or so before letting their guard down.  Other teachers are extremely relaxed and others are structured.  Make sure you give your child's new teacher a fair chance to show you what they can do.  Sometimes first impressions can be wrong and other students or parents experiences don't necessarily mean that your child or you will feel the same way they did.

Make Contact

Make sure you introduce yourself to your child's teacher at pick up.  Drop off in the morning tends to be overwhelming even for the teacher.  Teachers tend to be more relaxed at the end of the day and more willing to spend a minute or two talking to parents.  Even if you don't normally pick your child up, leave work early one day, just so you can show your face.  Make sure you only introduce yourself, smile, maybe ask "How are things?" and keep it light.  Many teachers  dislike being put on the spot and forced into an impromptu conference after school.  If your school has a back to school night be sure to attend.   If you feel disconnect or your child is still unhappy in late October, be sure to send a gently worded note asking for a scheduled conference to discuss your questions. Keep a log of discussions, meetings, incidences and a copy of all notes sent by you and the teacher.

Watch What You Say and Do:

Children can pick up on both your verbal and non verbal cues.  When children feel that you don't respect their teacher they can sense that and become conflicted.  Some children want to "defend your feelings" resulting in poor behavior in the classroom, not completing their homework and in some cases refusal to go to school.  If your child seems to like their teacher take up your concerns only with the teacher and as hard as it may be, stay civil about your feelings in front of your child.  If your child is unhappy with the teacher, be empathetic to your child's feelings but use this as an opportunity to set an example of how to deal with authority and to come up with the best strategies to use when we disagree with an adult.   All children need to learn coping skills.

Switching your child:

Most schools will not switch a child because it sets a bad precedent.  Unless there is substantial evidence that your child will not do well with their current teacher or that another class is truly a better fit, principals want children to learn to cope with all situations.  In the rare case that your school does switch your child remember that any transition can be tough and there is no guarantee that easing into a new class after the year has begun will not produce it's own issues.

If your child's situation is clearly not improving after one conference has taken place between with you and the teacher discussing those issues that are of concern to you and your child,  you may inform the principal as to your concerns and discuss appropriate strategies.

Coping Strategies for your child:

Have your child write a note to the teacher using appropriate language.

Ask for some time to speak to the teacher during lunch.

Keep a journal at home so they have an outlet to deal with frustrations.

Assure your child they will get through the year and not to give up.