Leave this child behind?

Not without reading this post!


I received many questions about holding your child behind one school year, particularly in the pre-school years. I have some personal experience with this, read on:

I am a November baby and my husband's birthday is the very last week of December. We both attended New York City Public Schools and back then, starting your child late or "holding them back" voluntarily was not the thing to do. Well, I failed just about every math test I took and struggled through school my entire life until my Junior year of high school. My husband on the other hand, knew from age 4 that he wanted to be a "vertebrate paleontologist", the school wanted his parents to allow him to skip two grades and he was accepted into a gifted and talented program by age 8. We both graduated college. I continued on and received my Masters Degree in Education and my husband quit a post grad program to wander aimlessly through the desert in the Middle East. In the end, we are relatively successful in our respective fields and work hard not to pass along too many issues onto our kids.

While it is not uncommon for there to be a disparity in the learning curve between children born in the earlier part of the year versus children born in the latter half, it is not the rule as in my personal example above. Children develop at different rates and many factors (not just birthdays) should be taken into consideration when deciding whether or not to hold a child behind a year. Decisions made about holding over any child, at any age, for any reason should not be taken lightly.

I had one friend that practically begged her son's kindergarten teacher to hold her late September "baby" back because he was having some maturity and learning issues earlier in the year. By the middle of year the classroom teacher felt that the child was making improvements and he might be ready by the end of the year to move on to the first grade. My friend was worried. I convinced her to give him time (often these children catch up in the spring), hire a reading tutor during the summer and honestly, to allow him to grow up. She later admitted that it was hard for her to let him move on. Many parents want their children to stay behind because they don't want their kids to be the youngest in the class or even have their own fears about their kids growing up. A parent's behavior can set the tone for the child. In the end, her son is doing above average work now.

It should also be noted that in some private schools and schools around the country a child will not be allowed to enter kindergarten unless they are age 5 at the start of the first day of school. This too can create a huge gap since some children are a year ahead of other children in their grade. As well, many states do not mandate the kindergarten year and therefore if you hold your child back without discussing it with your local school they can catapult your child right to first grade once they turn six, forcing them to skip kindergarten.

Here are some other important factors to consider when holding a child back:

-How does the child/parent deal with separation?

-Is the child receiving therapy or any other intervention services?

-How does the child handle social situations with peers?

-Is your child's maturity/temperament developmentally appropriate?

-How will holding your child back help or hurt them? Do not assume children will be unaware because they are young.

-Does the child have the basic academic skills they need to succeed in the next grade?

-If not, can basic skills be achieved with extra help from a tutor or intervention specialist over the summer or during the school year?

-Are parents willing to carve out time and provide recommended exercises and activities to promote these skills in their home?

It is best when parents discuss their decisions with educators that know and directly serve their child. In the case of a disagreement consider consulting with your child's pediatrician, a developmental pediatrician, school counselor and most importantly don't discount your intuition.