Is there a " Tiger Mother" in you?

Hello there! It's been a long time... while my blogging has decreased my work has increased, which I am happy about but miss my weekly write ups. I am exploring ways that I can easily keep my connection with my readers like vlogging (video blogging) and continue to send you great stories while keeping up with a busy work schedule. I also want to remind you that I am available to speak at PTA meetings, do a "mom salon" in which you get a group of parent friends together and I come to a host home and answer any parenting questions you and your friends may have or talk about a specific topic of your choice! You can always contact me at artsedconsultant@yahoo.com and check out my website at http://artsedconsultant.com.

This next post is about being asked by ebru news to respond to the new, hot book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua. You can see the interview here. Some of my points were edited out of the piece but wanted to share them with you. If you are not familiar with it, Chua's book has created a big stir by detailing her very strict interpretation of Chinese parenting and the way she asserts throughout that it may be a better way to get results in raising your children. The way Amy Chua spoke to her children may be very controversial and the social restrictions she put on her daughters were heavy handed (no play dates, no computer, etc) she makes some valid points that parents might want to learn from even though this is a memoir and not a "how-to" book. Even Ms. Chua has stated if she were to do it all again she would make some changes but she would stand by her core values.

- High expectations and not settling on excuses for poor performance - Demanding that children stick with certain activities to become great at them

- Believing in the idea of repetition (a concept we now reject in American education and often seen as punishment in the classroom) and its great value and importance when learning a skill

-Believing that a child's self esteem does not occur by being told how wonderful they are but being pushed to really achieve and to own their skills and talents

These and many other lessons should not be overshadowed by Ms. Chua's rigidness or her choices in language when addressing her daughters. While it is not necessary to belittle your child and call them names (although I bet more parents do this then they would like to admit!)

There is real value in parents looking at these concepts and learning to demand a bit more of their children. There is a great deal of over-praising in American society for both adults and children (do you notice everyone and everything is "amazing" or "awesome"?). Collectively, we provide them with rules that everyone has to be a winner because they are nice or pretty or they just get the prize because no one should feel left out. We don't like seeing our children hurt and shy away from the lesson that forces them to deal with rejection, loss or sadness and the pride that comes with working hard to get what they want. If parents can find balance in Chua's experiences we might be able to explain away the theme of entitlement we see in so many of our children and force them to take real responsibility, demand what is important, practice coping skills for when things do not go their way and to send a message that real pride comes with real hard work even if we don't always love every part of the journey.

Hey Baby, Hey Baby, Hey!

Is it crazy round your house? Cause it is crazy here. Between pre K stepping up ceremonies, end year concerts, Kindergarten orientations , Pajama day (yes, I forgot to send my son in pajamas, you can only imagine the moment of realization) remembering every birthday/anniversary and getting ready for camp it's like running on the treadmill of life and not losing any weight! Yes, it's the home stretch for sure and don't think for one second your little ones don't have summer-itis. Don't forget to acknowledge their stress and know those elevated amount of tantrums are their way of communicating to you they need some love and need stress release. I'll be sure to blog on how that's working out for me!

Have you also noticed the summer baby boom starting to take place? Summer babies are extremely popular and I seem to be getting a lot of requests to do workshops on how to stimulate baby and build connections. Below are some ideas on how and why it is important to stimulate your baby and some clues about over stimulation!

Children develop in social/emotional, physical, cognitive and language skills when they play.

According to the Creative Curriculum (used by many daycares), when children engage in play, they can:

• Learn about themselves and others – trust, love, touch, affection, give and take, recognizing the needs of others and empathy

• Learn about moving – Fine motor (small muscles), gross motor (large muscles), eye-hand coordination, grasp and carry toys, build, push and pull toys

• Learn about the world – rattles, push buttons to play music on a toy, shape sorters, manipulatives that help children to group and explore and learn cause and effect

• Learn about communicating – Connecting words with appropriate objects, expressing ideas

It’s all in the timing:

When you're socializing with your baby, be sensitive to any signs that she's had enough interaction: Too much stimulation can overload a baby's neural circuits, leaving her crying or unsettled. It's essentially your baby's way of saying, "I've had all I can take right now."

Here are some signs that playtime is over and she needs a break: Closing eyes - Turning away - Tensing up - Arching her back - Avoiding your gaze - Irritability

A Baby’s schedule and personality changes as they grow, adapting is part of the journey of parenting!

Stimulate the senses:

See, Hear, Taste, Touch, Smell

You are your child’s favorite toy!

Children love and direct attention to:

Faces; your face is a very stimulating tool

Clean lines or brightly colored objects; (black, white and red/primary colors for very young infants) White on Black, a book by Tana Hoban

Smiles;(remind yourself!)

Talk; (play with pitch but use real words, tell them everything you are about to do and are doing, use your baby’s name)

Song; (traditional, make up songs, change the words, rock out!),

Sounds; (make games up call and response from their cooing, cheek to cheek matching pitch)

Movement; dance (bounce, swing, stop and start)

Helpful Tools:

Mobiles: Can promote development of vision and hearing. Look for patterns, circles, high contrast and those that make music. By 4 months children might be able to reach for the mobile.

Mirrors: Children love watching their image appear and disappear in the mirror. Portable toy mirrors that are unbreakable can be placed in numerous locations around your home or can travel with you.

Hand Puppets or soft toys can facilitate language and make for great storytelling opportunities. Look for: Bright colors, boldly contrasting patterns, positive expressions or recognizable faces and sounds.

Grasping and Mouthing: Toys: 3 months +, give babies opportunities to grasp, shake, mouth, drop, and explore objects that they can hold in their fists. Small rattles, teethers, plastic key rings with keys, grasping balls and cloth toys and books.

Books: Read daily; build rituals around certain books (wake up time, naptime, bedtime). Look for board or fabric books, repetitive language, point to pictures, read only one or two words on a page- no need to stay true to the story if baby’s attention span runs out.

Examples of household objects that make great toys:

An empty box, pots and pans, plastic food containers, plastic measuring spoons, tissue paper, hard plastic cups.

Activities:

• Infants will follow a slowly moving object from side to side with their eyes – use a toy or twinkle your fingers back and forth, up and down while you sing a song

• Talk and sing while looking at your baby, slightly exaggerate your mouth

• Where is…? - Lightly cover your baby’s face with a cloth, ask: Where is (baby’s name)? After you uncover say, “There he/she is!) Book connection, Where is Baby’s Belly Button? (By Karen Katz)

• Use simple hand instruments or tissue paper while your singing and walk around the room. Let baby turn in the direction that the instrument is coming from.

• Roll your baby from side to side, touch legs to alternating arms, do the bicycle, row, row, row your boat, do infant massage with a mild edible oil - sing songs and talk while you do this.

• Hold baby in “superhero” position gently move from side to side (helps develop trunk muscles and head control) sing or play the “Superman” theme.

• Roll your (4 month old or older) on a “roll” pillow, a large kickball or a small exercise ball. Baby should lie on tummy and gently roll back and forth. With a smaller ball baby can reach down and practice developing shoulder and arm strength.
  
  
• Sing: "We’re gonna walk and walk, walk and walk we’re gonna walk and walk and stop!" 2X We’re gonna bounce, twist, etc.

• Sensory experiences: swaddle, use sensory balls and roll them on your babies hands, back and feet or use a massaging action teether or any other age appropriate product from www.beyondplay.com.